The life of a seaman is filled with unique challenges, and so is the life of his wife, who must adapt to the rhythm of his constant departures and long absences. 

While seafarers face the hardships of being away from their families, their wives often carry a burden just as heavy, particularly when they are left to raise their children on their own. 

In the Philippines, seafarers are celebrated as modern-day heroes. However, the true strength of a nation lies not only in their contributions but also in the resilience and well-being of their families. 

Behind every successful seafarer stands a strong, patient, and resilient wife, who, despite the challenges of long separations, keeps the family thriving. These wives, often overlooked, are the silent backbone of their families’ success, contributing to the maritime industry as significantly as their husbands. 

For 33-year-old Phobe Kate Cuneta from Quezon City, this reality is all too familiar. Her husband, Ian, 32, has been a seafarer since 2013, working for an international bulk shipping company. 

Every time Phobe waves goodbye to Ian at the airport, her heart sinks. Yet, she finds renewed strength and determination, knowing that her role at home is equally important. 

Phobe and Ian met in high school and have been married for five years. They’ve grown together from humble beginnings, working their way toward success in their respective careers. 

To outsiders, their success seems inevitable, especially since the Philippines is the world’s largest supplier of seafarers. However, Phobe’s experience as a seaman’s wife defies stereotypes. While some may view seafarers’ wives as either lonely or lucky, their role is far more complex and vital to the family’s well-being than many realize. 

Seafarer Ian and his pregnant wife Phobe.

Managing the household alone 

The wives of seafarers play a crucial role in maintaining family connections despite the distance. Phobe ensures that she and Ian maintain an emotional bond through constant communication. 

“Constant and effective communication is key to a healthy relationship,” Phobe shared in an interview with Maritime Fairtrade. 

Balancing motherhood and her career, Phobe strives to minimize the impact of Ian’s absence on their four-year-old daughter. “It’s not about playing a dual role,” she explained, “but rather taking on an additional responsibility. I have to be stricter with our daughter when Ian is away, for disciplinary reasons.” 

To help their daughter understand her father’s absence, Phobe ensures daily communication between them. “Most importantly,” she added, “I never end the day without a goodnight kiss and a hug for our daughter.” 

Alongside her duties as a mother, Phobe also works as an officer-in-charge at a media production company. She credits her mother for being a great help. “My mom is a huge support, especially when I need to be out in the field. She’s the real MVP (most important player),” Phobe said. 

Seafarer Ian (right) with his wife, Phobe (middle) and daughter.

Biggest challenge: Loneliness 

Phobe understands the demands of life at sea better than most. She and Ian hope to save enough money for him to retire in ten years so they can start a business together. 

Yet, the biggest challenge she faces as a seafarer’s wife is loneliness. “It’s a misconception that only seamen experience homesickness. For me, home is being together as a family,” she explained. 

To cope with the loneliness during Ian’s absence, Phobe finds solace in watching TV series after her daughter goes to bed.

“Rewatching shows like The Big Bang Theory, Friends, or Game of Thrones keeps me entertained,” she shared. “Having ‘me’ time is a necessity to maintain my sanity.” 

The emotional strain was especially difficult when Phobe suffered from postpartum depression after giving birth. 

Ian was away for 11 months at that time, making it even harder for her to share her struggles. “It was tough not having my husband, my ally, by my side,” she recalled. 

Phobe also faces societal pressure about married life and family, particularly when people ask when they will have a second child. “I just shrug off unsolicited advice and comments from people outside our family,” she said. 

Ian performing his duties.

Recognition and resilience 

Being a seafarer’s wife requires resilience, patience, and an unwavering commitment to the family’s success. Phobe has seen the maritime industry evolve over time, but the role of the seafarer’s wife remains as demanding as ever. 

“Being a seaman’s wife is not for everyone. I’ve learned to keep my peace by trusting my husband completely. It’s important for him to make decisions about our family’s welfare. My role as a wife is to support him in keeping those decisions,” she said. 

Phobe believes society should recognize the sacrifices made by seafarers’ spouses.

“Seafarers should acknowledge their wives’ sacrifices. It’s not easy to take care of the kids and keep the household running,” she noted. “It’s not just them who struggle — wives do too.” 

She reminds Ian that while he endures the physical and mental exhaustion of working at sea, she faces the emotional and physical toll of raising their child and managing the household. “It shouldn’t be a competition of who contributes more to the family,” she added. 

In the end, Phobe sees her family’s success as a collaborative effort, where a seafarer’s achievements are shared, and their future is built on the combined strength of both husband and wife working together to create a life they can be proud of.

All photos credit: Phobe Kate Cuneta

Top photo: Seafarer Ian (right) with his wife, Phobe (middle) and daughter.